Principles for a Better Life
From Marcus Aurelius[i]
Let us start by contextualising who Marcus Aurelius was.
Britannica introduces him as follows:
Marcus Aurelius, in full Caesar Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus, original name (until 161 CE) Marcus Annius Verus, (born April 26, 121 CE, Rome — died March 17, 180, Vindobona [Vienna, Austria] or Sirmium, Pannonia), Roman emperor (161–180), best known for his Meditations[ii] on Stoic philosophy.[iii] Marcus Aurelius has symbolized for many generations in the West the Golden Age of the Roman Empire.[iv]
How does Aurelius and his list of ‘rules’ (as he refers to them) relate to influential leadership, you should ask. Here is the answer:
- Think of these so-called rules as principles or axioms of life—they existed before Aurelius, they have endured in the 2,175-odd years since, and they will exist until the end of time.
- The principles he sets out are also indelible markers for influential leadership activists in the 21st century. You will recognise many of them from Alpha.
- Often influential leadership activists have to face down situations where people act without a philosophy, principles or heed of their behaviours; sharing our position with solid and uncompromising standards helps us to keep pedalling.
- We all need ongoing evidence that the philosophy, principles and behaviours we espouse and live by as leadership activists have not been concocted on a fad or a fashion but have stood the test of time and practice.
- These principles are indeed the foundation for leadership, civilisation, social progress and success. A useful test is to imagine a life, a home, a school, a team, a business, a country and a world that is absent of these principles. We would of course argue that where we witness the most awful of human conditions, we find no such Aurelius Rules.
The original article was drafted by Ryan Holiday, as referenced in the endnote. I have edited his material merely for the sake of brevity. If you care to scour the entire article, use the link below.
The text in Karoo Orange are my comments.
This LWN is lengthy, but I guarantee it will be worth your attention. Oh, and I suggest you read it at least twice this week, and at least once every week from now on.
Gregory Hays, one of Marcus Aurelius’s best translators, writes in his introduction to Meditations, “If he had to be identified with a particular school, [Stoicism] is surely the one he would have chosen. Yet I suspect that if asked what it was that he studied, his answer would not have been ‘Stoicism’ but simply ‘philosophy.’”
In the ancient world, “philosophy” was not perceived the way it is today. It played a much different role. “It was not merely a subject to write or argue about,” Hays writes, “but one that was expected to provide a ‘design for living’—a set of rules to live one’s life by.”
That’s what this philosophy gives us: a design for living.
Think about how we describe influential leadership—we refer to our ‘lived lives’, i.e., what we do and how we do things daily, moment-by-moment as we go about our lives, not just at some golden moments (and not for a few special people who are ‘leaders’).
Put people first.
My favorite story about Marcus Aurelius comes in the depths of the Antonine Plague, a horrible pandemic in Ancient Rome that killed millions of people. Rome’s economy has been devastated, people are dying in the streets, and everyone feels like it can’t possibly get better. What does Marcus do? He walks through the imperial palace and begins marking things for sale. Then for two months, on the lawn of the great emperor’s palace, he sells jewels, furniture, and finery owned by the emperor. He’s sending a message saying, ‘I’m not going to put myself first. I don’t need these fancy things—not when people are struggling.’ To me, this is like the CEO who takes a pay cut in a bad economy. This is the athlete who renegotiates their contract so the team can bring on new players. This is the leader who sacrifices and struggles and puts their people ahead of their own comfort and needs. That’s what [leadership] greatness is.
At the heart of influential leadership, as subject and object, are people. People, individuals, exercise leadership, and they do it for themselves and others – never just for themselves. Those people who pretend to be leaders but place themselves at the core of what they do are practicing mis-leadership, they are anti-leaders. Relook the influential leadership philosophy position, the principles and the behavioural attributes, they are constructed around putting people first.
If we consider the so-called leaders around us – in our homes, teams, schools, businesses, government, and world, we easily recognise the anti-leaders by their language, by the size of their ambition for themselves, their egocentric lives.
Never be overheard complaining… Not even to yourself.
In Meditations, Marcus speaks to this idea over and over and over again: Look inward, not outward. Don’t complain. Don’t meddle in the affairs of others. When you see someone acting objectionably, remember when you have acted that way. The Stoic does not have time to complain about others because they have too much to improve on at home [in their own lives, and downstream]. When we make the distinction between what’s in our control and outside our control, we see very quickly that it is only our own decisions and actions and words and thoughts that are worthy of our attention. Everything else is the business of everyone else.
There are two influential leadership elements to highlight here. The first is our ‘first amongst equals’ behavioural attribute of self-awareness. Know who you are, what your strengths and weaknesses are, appreciate that all of us have our blend of these, and work on yours.
The second speaks to the notion of ‘turning our world while the world turns us’. Pay attention to what you must do, get on with it and through that you will influence others.
Do only what’s essential.
This was Marcus’ simple recipe for productivity and for happiness. “If you seek tranquility,” he said, “do less.” And then he clarifies. Not nothing. Less. Do only what’s essential. “Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better.” Follow this advice today and everyday: do only what’s essential.
We are easily duped into imagining that more is better; that we can multi-task and that looking busy is what counts. Nonsense. Focus, cut the fluff. If it takes 10,000 hours to be really smart at one thing, how can we do a dozen things at a time?
However, it takes immense thoughtfulness and discipline to identify what is essential, and then follow through.
Waste no time worrying about other people’s opinions.
Marcus talked about a strange contradiction: we are generally selfish people, yet, more than ourselves, we value other people’s opinions about us. “It never ceases to amaze me,” he wrote, “we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.” The fundamental Stoic principle is that we focus only on the things that are within our control. Other people’s opinions are not within our control. Don’t spend any time worrying about what other people think.
Each of us is unique, we must accept that so that we add the best value we can. A replica does not fetch the same value.
Also, this principle touches on the underling intellectual substance of influential leadership, namely, out social agency. ‘I think, I choose, and I act’ for the purpose of productive outcomes.
Don’t suffer imagined troubles.
“Don’t let your imagination be crushed by life as a whole,” Marcus reminded himself. “Stick with the situation at hand.” Focus on the moment. Waste no time thinking about the monsters that may or may not be up ahead.
Create or respond to the leadership moment as it happens. If you are equipped to practice leadership you will be able to respond to the moment, but also with a productive view of what lies ahead.
Focus on effort, [and] outcomes.
The people who are most successful in life [a broad measure of what success is], who accomplish [great things], who dominate their professions—don’t [fixate on] winning. It’s insane to tie your wellbeing to things outside of your control. Success, mastery, sanity, Marcus writes, comes from tying your wellbeing, “to your own actions.” If you did your best, if you gave it your all, if you acted with your best judgment—that is a win…
This an Aurelius Rule that influential leadership differs from. Marcus writes that we should focus only on the inputs and processes as the outcome is beyond out control. It might be, but it must still be in our minds, and it must be what the inputs and processes drive at.
For influential leadership activism the outcome is important—we must have a productive outcome in mind. It is essential that the outcome is productive otherwise all the right inputs and processes have not achieved their desired consequence. But Aurelius’ view that our own actions belong to us, and sometimes we may fall, is consistent with our position.
Choose sympathy [or compassion] over outrage.
In Meditations, Marcus writes that asking for a world without shameless people and evil acts is to ask the impossible. He adds that people who harm others end up only harming themselves—“To do an injustice is to do yourself an injustice—it degrades you.” Marcus says these people actually deserve pity. “When people injure you,” he wrote, “feel sympathy rather than outrage or anger. Your sense of good and evil may be the same as theirs, or near it, in which case you have to excuse them. Or your sense of good and evil may differ from theirs. In which case they’re misguided and deserve your compassion.”
There will always be people who choose wrong over right. It is the business of influential leadership activists to set them straight through our example.
Blow your own nose.
Marcus noticed how often he found himself praying to get something. Wouldn’t it be better, he thought, to make yourself strong enough not to need whatever you were hoping the gods would grace you with? Epictetus calls this blowing your own nose. Don’t wait around hoping for someone to save you. Instead, listen to Marcus’ empowering call to, “get active in your own rescue—if you care for yourself at all—and do it while you can.”
Social agency: I think, I choose, I act.
Think progress, not perfection.
Marcus reminded himself: “Don’t await the perfection of Plato’s Republic.” Because if you do, that’s all you’ll do…wait. That’s one of the ironies about perfectionism: it rarely begets perfection—only disappointment, frustration, and of course, procrastination. Aim for progress.
Change for the better, maybe millimetre by millimetre, but it is still progress.
Let go of anxiety.
“Today I escaped from anxiety,” Marcus says. “Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions—not outside.” He writes this during a plague, no less. We tell ourselves we are stressed and anxious and worried because of the pressure our boss puts on us or because of some looming deadline or because of all the places we have to be and people we have to see. And then when all that gets paired down, you realize, ‘Oh, no, it was me. I’m the common variable.’ The anxiety is coming from the inside. And you can choose to discard it.
This relates to an earlier principle too – about reducing multitude of things we are busy with, and focus.
Do the more difficult thing.
Whenever we come to a little crossroad [or a giant one]—a decision about how to do things and what things to do—Marcus said to default to the option that challenges you the most. He writes in Meditations about holding the reins in his non-dominant hand as both an exercise to practice and a metaphor for doing the difficult thing. Jump into the colder pool. Walk instead of drive. Pick up the book instead of your phone. Take responsibility instead of hoping it goes unnoticed. In matters big and small, courage is choosing the more difficult option. Make it a habit. Iron sharpens iron, after all. You’ll be better for it—not only for the improvement that comes from the challenge itself, but for the willpower you are developing by choosing that option on purpose.
Influential leadership asks us often to go first, to do the hard yards while all others go about their lives. Doing the tough things does indeed get us fit for ever bigger things. Nobody climbs Mt. Everest after walking to their local park three times.
Wake up early.
Speaking of doing the difficult thing—one of the most relatable moments in Meditations is the argument he has with himself in the opening of book 5. It’s clearly an argument he’s had with himself many times, on many mornings—as have many of us: He knows he has to get out of bed, but so desperately wants to remain under the warm covers. It’s relatable…but it’s also impressive. Marcus didn’t actually have to get out of bed. He didn’t really have to do anything. The emperor had all sorts of prerogatives, and here Marcus was insisting that he rise early and get to work. Why? Because Marcus knew that winning the morning was key to winning the day and winning at life. He wouldn’t have heard the expression “the early bird gets the worm,” but he was well aware that a day well-begun is half done. By pushing himself to do something uncomfortable and tough, by insisting on doing what he said he knew he was born to do and what he loved to do, Marcus was beginning a process that would lead to a successful day.
Towards the end of the Alpha Programme I suggest that you rise and shine earlier than you normally do, and then do something difficult that you would not normally do. I use the example of 11 minutes of planking.
What is most impressive of Aurelius’ discipline is that he did not have to do it. Here is a most powerful form of personal leadership and example. Despite being able to lie in late, or bully people, or cheat, or buy the biggest SUV ever made, you rise before others, show kindness and concern, play by the rules even when none can see, or buy transport that is just good enough.
Be strict with yourself and tolerant of others.
It’s called self-discipline. It’s called self-improvement. And remember: Stoicism is a personal philosophy that’s designed to direct your behavior. It’s tempting to try to hold others to the very same standards you hold yourself to, but this is not only unfair (they didn’t sign up for that), it’s often counterproductive. An observation from Marcus’ most thoughtful biographer, Ernest Renan, explains the right way to do it. “The consequence of austere philosophy might have produced stiffness and severity. But here it was that the rare goodness of the nature of Marcus Aurelius shone out in all its brilliancy. His severity was confined only to himself.” That’s exactly the key. Your standards are for you. Marcus said philosophy is about being strict with yourself and forgiving of other people. That’s not only the kind way to be, it’s the only effective way to be.
Lead by personal example, not by placing a gun at another’s head. Show people how rewarding it is to be a leadership activist.
Treat success and failure the same.
Some days, Marcus wrote, the crowd cheers and worships you. Other days, they hate you and hit you with brickbats. You get a lucky break sometimes—get more credit and attention than you deserve. Other times you’ll get held to an impossibly unfair standard. They’ll build you up, and then tear you down—and act like it was your fault you got way up there in the first place. They’ll criticize you in public and privately tell you it’s all for show. There will be good years and bad years. Times when the cards fall our way, times when the dice keep coming up snake eyes. That’s just the way it goes. The key, Marcus said, is to assent to all of it. Accept the good stuff without arrogance, he writes in Meditations. Let the bad stuff go.
Just keep on pedalling… whatever cards you get, play them.
The obstacle is the way.
When you think you’re stuck, Marcus said, you’re not. Yes, one path might be closed, but there’s always others that remain open. The impediment to action advances action, Marcus wrote. What stands in the way becomes the way. That’s not to say that nothing can ever get in your way. It’s to say that nothing can stop you from accommodating and adapting. There is nothing so bad that we can’t make some good out of it. We can treat every problem as an opportunity to practice [leadership].
Leadership moments come in many forms, some of them are obstacles, problems and closed doors; it matters not. Leadership requires of us to find a way around, or through, or over.
Always do the right thing.
“Just that you do the right thing,” Marcus wrote. “The rest doesn’t matter. Cold or warm. Tired or well-rested. Despised or honored. Dying…or busy with other assignments.”
Influential leaders do the right things at the right time for the right people – no matter what. When the world turns us, it is no excuse for not doing right.
We know, all of us know, that we seem to have a default setting in our response mechanism, which is that we have much longer and easier to retrieve lists why cannot do right, or failed to do right. And, often going right is the difficult thing, and we have a default setting always to seek the easy way. These are settings that our social agency helps us to overcome.
One of the ironclad differences between an influential leader and others is that we do overcome, and we do know what the right thing is, and we aim at it too. When we miss, we have fallen, we know that, take personal responsibility, then go again.
It will be great to have your thoughts on Aurelius’ ‘rules’ and how they dovetail with influential leadership.
Influential leaders are contributors.
Regards,
Colin Donian
Shaping lives for the better
[i] https://ryanholiday.net/19-rules-for-a-better-life-from-marcus-aurelius/. Accessed 10 April 2023.
[ii] https://www.britannica.com/biography/Marcus-Aurelius-Roman-emperor/The-Meditations. A summary. Accessed on 10 April 2023.
[iii] If you prefer a narration about The Meditations, here is a one. https://youtu.be/2JGFQynUqBk. Accessed on 10 April 2023.
[iv] Crook, John Anthony. “Marcus Aurelius”. Encyclopedia Britannica, 13 Mar. 2023, https://www.britannica.com/biography/Marcus-Aurelius-Roman-emperor. Accessed 10 April 2023.
