Thank you for completing the On Leadership Questionnaire last week! I shall share the results with you in due course.
Resist Bullying—Reform Bullies
‘Yes, I was a bully. I was a bully in the sense that I tried to control the narrative and if I didn’t like what someone said I turned on them.’
Bullying. Bully
To avoid the Humpty Dumpty Effect[ii], we always prescribe the words and terms we use.
What is bullying?
Bullying is the repeated misuse of power—whether intentional or careless—to belittle, intimidate or harm others across physical, social, positional, intellectual or economic domains.
A bully is a person who repeatedly misuses power—whether intentional or careless—to belittle, intimidate or harm others through their physical strength, social status, position, intellect or resources—for personal benefit.
Furthermore, bullies, bullying and their targets cover just about every age—from childhood to the end—nobody is exempt and none are spared.
So, bullying is the behaviour, while a bully is the person who chooses to act in such a manner.
In the first instance:
- The behaviour (bullying) is anathema to Influential Leadership! It is not just to be resisted—it is fundamentally incompatible with the DNA of the Influential Leadership System.
- The consequences (outcomes) of bullying are the converse of those created through the practice of Influential Leadership; thus, we must rigorously oppose and counter the phenomenon and its normalisation.
- Bullies are not born, they are redeemable, and that too is the work of Influential Leadership.
Secondly, there is a surge in those who act it out:
- Bullies are popping up all over.
- A lot of bullying is being practiced right now.
Bullying is being normalised and bullies are admired—deepening an unproductive culture.
Part 1: Giving it Shape: Where Does it Come From?
The current On Leadership edition (#4325) is the first in a two-part series discussing and advising on the bullying phenomenon and its perpetrators, and (#4425) Influential Leadership’s responses thereto.
Our primary concern, from an Influential Leadership perspective, is to remediate the person’s behaviour (their bullying)—i.e., to influence them, to persuade them to stop their destructive behaviour, to do better.
People become bullies, they learn to bully, and they tend to believe that they benefit from it, which incentivises them to habituate it.
Bullying rarely comes from ‘nowhere.’ Psychologists describe it as a behaviour rooted in a mix of personal insecurities, learned patterns, and environmental reinforcements.
Research highlights the main underlying psychological triggers as follows:
- Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem
- Many bullies feel inadequate or powerless in some area of their lives.
- Bullying becomes a way to mask vulnerability by projecting strength or superiority.
- Desire for Power, Control, and Status
- Bullying often functions as a misguided strategy to establish dominance.
- Studies show up to 70% of school bullying incidents are driven by power imbalances.
- It can be a way to climb or protect social hierarchies.
- Emotional Dysregulation
- Difficulty managing anger, frustration or shame can lead to lashing out.
- Deficits in empathy and impulse control are strongly linked to bullying behaviour.
- Learned Behaviour (Social Learning Theory)
- Children and adolescents often model what they see: family conflict, peer aggression or violent media.
- When aggression is normalised in their environment, bullying becomes a ‘template’ for handling conflict.
- Past Trauma or Victimisation
- Some bullies have themselves been bullied or exposed to abuse.
- Repeating the cycle can feel like regaining control over their own pain.
- Perceived Threats
- Bullies often target those they see as ‘different’ or as a threat to their ego, social standing or identity.
- This can include differences in appearance, ability, background or even confidence.
- Cognitive Distortions
- Lower levels of moral reasoning make it easier to justify harmful behaviour (‘they deserved it,’ ‘it’s just a joke’).
This self-justification reduces guilt and sustains the cycle.
Bullying is never excusable, but understanding it’s triggers helps us design responses and preventive interventions, such as: strengthening self-efficacy and agency, building empathy, teaching emotional regulation, and reshaping environments that reward cooperation over dominance.
Form of Bullying
| 1. Physical Bullying |
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| 2. Positional or Title-Based Bullying |
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| 3. Intellectual Bullying |
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| 4. Economic Bullying |
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| 5. Social Status Bullying |
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At its core, bullying is about power imbalance. The ‘currency’ of power may differ—muscle, title, intellect, money or social standing—but the underlying dynamic is the same: one person (or group) asserts dominance at the expense of another (others).
Why is Bullying Bad (Unproductive)?
The Personal and Collective Consequences of a Bullying Environment
A bullying environment does not just harm the immediate victim—it corrodes the wellbeing of everyone involved and weakens the fabric of the family, school, team, business, community and even country. The consequences unfold on both personal and collective levels, as summarised in the table below.
| Personal Consequences | Collective Consequences |
| Psychological harm – anxiety, depression, low self‑esteem, trauma | Toxic culture – fear and distrust replace collaboration |
| Physical health decline – stress symptoms, sleep disruption, weakened immunity | Lower engagement – reduced productivity, creativity and innovation |
| Academic/work disengagement – absenteeism, poor performance, withdrawal | High turnover/absenteeism – costly instability in schools or workspaces |
| Social withdrawal – isolation, difficulty trusting peers | Erosion of trust – weakened cohesion in teams, schools, businesses, communities |
| Reinforced aggression – perpetrators risk entrenching antisocial behaviour | Weakened resilience – organisations lose energy to solve shared problems |
A Better Way
By the time you have got to this point you have the right to feel weighed down by destructive human behaviour and its unproductive consequences, so let us not end here.
I offer you a glimpse into the starkly different and better world of Influential Leadership.
One of the inherent ingredients of the Influential Leadership System is its democratic essence—influence and collective benefits—versus the dictatorship of bullying—coercion and individual gratification.
The table below summarises the glaring difference between these two behaviours.
| Influence (Democratic) | Bullying (Dictatorship) |
| Relational, based on consent | Coercive, based on fear |
| Power shared and distributed | Power hoarded and imposed |
| Builds trust and agency | Destroys trust and agency |
| Invites participation | Enforces submission |
| Flourishes in dialogue | Silences dissent |
| Benefits shared | Benefits individualised |
In next week’s On Leadership, we examine how to use the Influential Leadership System to respond to bullying, and how to influence bullies.
Sharing is the Influential Leadership Way
If you are finding On Leadership beneficial, then others will also. So, share it with them—it is what we do!
Forward this edition of On Leadership to three people you think will benefit from the Influential Leadership Way and encourage them to register.
Regards,
Colin Donian
Karoo Founder & CEO
Influential Leader Influence!
Leadership Note # 4325 | 27.10.25
e: colind@karoo.world
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[i] Lance Armstrong.
[ii] In the philosophy of language and communication, the Humpty Dumpty Effect refers to:
- Arbitrary meaning-making: Words are twisted or stretched to mean whatever the speaker or writer wants, regardless of shared usage.
- Loss of common ground: If everyone defines words however they please, communication breaks down—because meaning depends on shared conventions.
- Power play: Humpty Dumpty even says the real question is ‘which is to be master.’ In other words, controlling language is a way of controlling reality. I smell a bully at work here…
